Queen B

Every once in a while when a customer is particularly rude to me, I look them up on Facebook to see why exactly their life is so miserable.

Well today ladies and gents, I hit the JACKPOT.

A blond haired waif of a girl pulled into our parking lot in a big 'ol 2009 Ford SUV and bounced into my waiting room.
Blond: "I'm having trouble with my internet and they told me to bring my modem in to get it tested"
Me: testing testing 123... "yup, your modem is broken, do you know when you bought it?"
B: "August of last year"
Me: Well, it has a one year warrenty so unfortunately you're going to have to buy a new modem."
B: "Why do I have to pay for your faulty modem"
Me: "Actually, since you purchased it, it's your BROKEN modem... And we cover it for one year, but after that it has to be replaced by the customer if it breaks. That's how a warranty works"
B: "They told me I just had to bring in my modem and if it wasn't working they'd swap it out for me"
Me: Well, I'm not sure why they word it that way, but you do infact have to purchase a new modem if your warranty has run out. Just like you have to buy a new computer if your computer breaks... In order to use the internet you will have to buy a new modem.
B: (already on the phone) "DADDY! Now they're telling me I have to buy a new modem for $50!"
B: (now off the phone) "ok, well can you test it for me?"
Me: "test the brand new modem?"
B: "yes, because it worked yesterday and now it just doesn't work"
Me: (in my head) "Ok, that doesn't even make sense"
Me: Yuppers
testing testing 123...
Me: "Works fine, $48 please"
B: "Can you bill this somewhere?"
Me: "Are you taking English in college?"
Me: "No"

TRANSACTION COMPLETE.

So I look this girl up on Facebook after she storms out the door.
HEYO! Jackpot.
She's a PAGEANT QUEEN!


The first 100 pictures of her were of her local pageant victory, and then the passing of the crown the following year.
I've always wondered what it takes to be a pageant queen, so I did some research about her specific pageant and have taken these excerpts from the application.

*Her personality should reflect her qualities of mind and character
*She should be able to project friendliness and graciousness
*She should have a firm, pleasant speaking voice with the ability to speak
extemporaneously and convincingly, when requested
*A candidate must have poise. This includes attributes such as an easy self- assured manner, tact in coping with and handling difficult situations.

I think they got the wrong girl!